Riding in Cars

Tonight I took Zoe and Ariana shopping with me. Their conversations are like little people. This is an excerpt from the ride out:

Ariana: Woa, look at that car! I love it!
Zoe: Well, I love punch buggies.
Ariana: I know, I know. You are going to get one, and have a dog, and it's going to sit in the front seat.
Zoe: Yeah, but if I don't get a dog, you can sit in the front. Well, you and Noah will have to alternate.

So I pipe in - "She can sit in front on the days that end in Y!"
Zoe: Yeah, okay.
Ariana: That's pretty much every day!
Zoe: Oh...yeah...haha!

Me again - "How about the odd days then?"
Ariana: Yeah, like Friday!
Me: Umm...
Ariana: Friday is my favorite day. Oh I've got a joke. What day is a potato's least favorite day?

*Crickets*

Ariana: Friday! Get it, FRY-day!

And then I stopped following along because they make me dizzy.

Our Littlest Clan Member

It was April of 2012 when I found out I was pregnant for the 3^rd time. Although my two children are a bit older (7 and 9), there was no reason to think this time was any different. It was a very uneventful pregnancy until our ultrasound around 19 weeks. That was when our world turned upside down.

The technician was very quiet and didn’t point out much on the screen. She did let us know that the baby was head down and that she wouldn’t be able to tell us the sex because it’s legs were crossed (which was okay with us, because we wanted to be surprised!) She said because of the position she couldn’t get all the measurements she needed, and we’d probably need to come back another time. We didn’t even get to bring home a single printout with us or anything. I consoled myself that it was due to the position…

The next morning my doctor was calling bright and early for me to come in and discuss the ultrasound. On a day the office was closed. I’m no expert, but even I knew that could not mean good news.  The scan showed multiple problems. There was fluid in the brain, an enlarged heart with only 3 chambers, an omphalocele (the abdominal organs growing in a sac outside the body), clenched hands, spina bifida, growth was 3 weeks behind; the list went on and on. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. How could we have made such a mess? That was when we learned about Trisomy 18 - an extra 18^th chromosome. These were all markers of such a condition. Testing confirmed it.

We were rushed along because we only had until 22 weeks to decide if we were terminating, but there was no need to hurry us because our minds were already made up. It felt like we were expected to end the pregnancy, and although no one would say it, it seemed like the doctors leaned toward that option. We said no. A Trisomy 18 baby has a 50% chance of being born alive, full term. With all of the defects we knew our baby didn’t even have that. Our baby’s life was already going to be brief, and we weren’t going to cut it any shorter.

It was a rough summer. I tried to sleep it away. I’m not sure if it made things easier knowing ahead of time or not, except that we didn’t have false hopes. There was no nursery to decorate, no baby registry to play around with, no plans aside from “get through the day”.

Then, at 26 weeks I stopped feeling movement.  The problem with carrying a baby “incompatible with life” is that you aren’t a priority. I called on a Tuesday morning, and they saw me on Wednesday.

The only heartbeat found on the Doppler was my own, and an ultrasound confirmed our baby was gone. That Friday, I was induced and gave birth to a sleeping son on September 15, 2012. He weighed 12.1oz and was 8-1/2” long and we named him Parker. So tiny, but so perfect despite it all.

No matter how much I miss him and how much I hurt, I don’t regret my decision. Given a chance to go back, I wouldn’t have done anything differently.  It was 26 weeks I will never forget. 

Dangerous Ducts

Within one week of having it, Noah lost and destroyed his retainer, so I had to pay for a second one to be made. He has been working it off around the house to pay me back. 

So the other night, for his chore, I assigned Noah to take out all the grates for the heating ducts and vacuum the dust/cat hair/etc. He enlisted Ariana's help. 

I've overheard her offer such services as, "I'll hold the flashlight and be your spotter." and "I'll hold your feet while you reach down for that Lego." 

But my favorite is when the furnace suddenly came on and she cried out, "Ah! Fire in the hole!"

3 Things

The following list is seen on the dry erase board:
1. Mall cop
2. Dad 
3. Santa

We asked Noah what the heck it was a list of. Evidently it is all the things he is going to be when he grows up. Aim high buddy.

Politically Clueless

Noah: Who do you think is going to win?
Me: Win what?
Noah: The election.
Me: I don't really pay any attention to that stuff.
Noah: Well I think Mitt Romney's going a bit too far.

Ummmm...okay.

Dreams for Your Daughter

Zoe: When you guys are old, I'm only changing Andrea's diapers, not yours.
Jon: Why not?
Zoe: Because I don't want to see that!
Jon: By the time I am old enough to need diapers, I would hope you'd have seen many of "those".
Me: Um babe, are you sure that's what you hope? Maybe shouldn't you hope that she's only seen one, and it's the same one for the rest of her life?
Jon: I retract my previous statement.

A Story From Camp

Noah: "One thing was so embarrassing. I came out of the changing room and I dropped my underwear, but I didn't know that I did until Mr. Emery told me. And you know the worst part? THEY WERE MY NEMO ONES!"

Two Misc

(At the beach)
Cayden: "I can't come over there, I can't touch!"
Noah: "Yes you can, you'll just be under water."


Ariana: "A cucumber is a fruit."
Liza: "And a pickle."

Smart Ass (Just Like Me)

Me: "I'm going to the post office. I will be back in 5 minutes. Don't burn the house down."
Noah: "Okay but one question - how do you turn on the oven?"


He's totally my kid.

Moms Go Hungry

Made myself a sandwich. Used up the last of the bologna. Took a bite. 
Ariana: "What's that?"
Me: "A sandwich."
Ariana: "What kind?"
Me: "Bologna."
Ariana: "Oooh I want one!"
Look at sandwich. Look at kid. Sigh. Hand over sandwich.

Junk Machines

Everywhere we go, they have those stupid machines, and I immediately hear, "Mummy, do you have a quarter?"
Went down to the hardware store after work to fetch my other half, and sure enough, Ariana who had tagged along: "Mummy, do you have a quarter?"
GRRR!
Me: "You guys need to get jobs, if you are going to want quarters all the time."
Ariana: "Well I TRIED! I was out in front of the house jump-roping and put a little cup out! But nobody gave me any money so I gave up."
*Face palm*

Two Tutus

Last night Ariana came into my room wearing a white wife-beater type tank top and a sea of taffeta around her middle.
Me: "What are you wearing?!"
Ariana: "Two tutus."
Me: "I thought you didn't like princesses?"
Ariana: "No, I'm Van-Vantura."
Me: "Who??"
Ariana: "It's a movie. The man is wearing a white shirt and tutus and he walks over to a chair and sleeps with his face in it."
Me: ".....? .... ACE VENTURA?!"
Ariana (proudly): "Yeah!"

Seriously, whose child is this? And why is she so weird??

Noah's #1

Noah: "SERIOUSLY?! I have to be 1 again? I'm always 1!! Why don't I ever get a bigger number?"

Me: "Well, the shirts are in size order by number. The low numbers are the smallest shirts. And since every year, no matter what grade you are in or what sport you are playing, somehow you are the smallest kid on the team."

Noah: "Oh. Well. Do I have sideburns? Ben says I have sideburns."

Me: "Yes, you do." 

A Couple Gems

Ariana: "I really wish I could be a dog."
Me: "But that means you'd have to lick your own butt, right?"
Ariana: "Yeah, but if I was a dog I'd be ok with it."


Ariana was poking, prodding, picking at, kicking Jon sort of absent-mindedly while sitting next to him on the couch.
Jon: "Why are you so mean to me?"
Ariana: "Because I love you. Love hurts, ya know."

Cole Slaw, Onion Rings, and Baby Chicken

Yesterday Jon took us out to Weathervane. On the way there, Noah and Ariana were deciding what they were going to order. Noah said, "My usual." Which doesn't mean his usual for Weathervane, it means his usual for any restaurant there is: chicken nuggets/tenders and french fries. 

Ariana said she'd have her usual too... but that could be anything. Sometimes it is the same as Noah, sometimes she will have the overpriced boxed macaroni and cheese, or sometimes change it up a little. In this case, she meant "anything that comes with cole slaw" because as she put it, "I'm cuckoo for cole slaw!"

The waitress takes our drink orders and Jon throws on an order of Appetizer Combo. That's a whole lotta appetizer. It comes and Noah dives into the onion rings, loading up his plate. He took a bite of one and the onion all slid out of the breading like it sometimes does. 

Noah: "What's this?"

Me: "That would be the onion. You know, they are onion rings."

Noah: "I didn't know they had onions in them! I thought it was just a cool name!!"

Luckily he still ate them anyway, despite the surprise ingredient. 

Meals came, and there was way too much food. I had only ordered chowder, which was more than enough after participating in the appetizer combo. We brought home at least half of what we ordered, because somebody's eyes were bigger than their size...

Jon leaned back and pooched his belly out like a 7-month pregnant woman, aka food baby. I asked him if that was the baby kickin'. Ariana immediately slides under the table to get on the seat next to him and puts her hand on his belly. "I want to feel the baby chicken!!"

They're So Cute...

Last night we dragged the kids out to McDonald's and shopping. Actually I was dragged too, but anyway, that's what we did last night.

As we're riding out, the kids are in the back having a heated discussion that I ignore until I hear Noah burst out with, "It's in the Bible! Haven't you read the Bible? On page 398, it says boys go before girls for activities!"
And then he expected me to back him up. I told him I was unfamiliar with that passage, and all I knew was "Ladies first."

Then while at McDonald's, Ariana inevitably has to go to the bathroom. Because we are in public and that's what kids do. So I escort her and she goes in and does her thing. Then I hear, "There's no toilet paper in here!"
So I tell her hang on, I'll grab her some.
"Nevermind, I wiggled it off!"
*Side note, I hate doing her laundry.

Then there is always the Dollar store struggle. Trying to get everything and get through the line before the kids know, so you don't end up suckered into buying them something they can't live without. This was no exception. We were at the door with our bags calling, "Come on guys! You ready?"
And Zoe answers, "Oh yeah. I was born ready. Well, actually no. It took my mom 2 days."

So that was my Thursday night.

Monkey

Hey Mumma, these should be good for climbing trees, right? Because they have suction cups? 

Sunday hike

Today we went hiking. It was Noah and Ariana's first time. The best part of it for them? Sooo many photo ops!

Just floating in a tree

And away they go! 

Look what I got him to do! hahaha

Hey guys, just act natural.

He ran ahead and when we caught up, this is what Noah was doing. He kills me! 

No kids here, just a normal fountain...

Uh Mummy, we have a little problem...

One more unnecessary pose.

We made it!

It is much cooler to wear your t-shirt as a turban than as a t-shirt.

Ooooh That Smell

One morning in March, during the “warm spell”, Noah says to me, “Mummy, I’m going to need you to buy me some deodorant.”

This was one of those moments that I was desperately jealous of people who can raise one eyebrow, because that is what I would have done.

Me: “Why do you think you need deodorant?”

Noah: “Well, I’m getting to that age...”

Me: “Okay… what makes you think that? Do you stink?”

Noah: “My teacher said we should all ask our parents if they can buy us some.”

I’m guessing the classroom must have been especially pungent after recess if this was his teacher’s idea. I felt bad for her, so I bought him some.

This morning after he took a shower I asked if he had used any, and he confirmed.

Me: “Alright, then breakfast. Are you going to have pound cake or what, it’s on the counter.”

Noah: “Oh, I didn’t know if it was okay to get it myself.”

Ariana: “Well if you are old enough to wear DERODIANT then you are old enough to get your own breakfast!”  

And this is how moms are born. 

Dental Care

"Are my teeth clean yet or do I need to do another lap?"

Doppelgangers Among Us

Zoe: "Oh sure, he didn't do it. Who was it then, his doppelganger?"
Ariana: "Hey! We saw doublegangers at the park!"
Zoe: "Actually, those were twins."

Prologue

My sister once suggested that maybe a camera crew should be following us around our house. Not because we'd make a raunchy reality show, but because we live in my old New England house like a "bunch of Mexicans." We are packed in like sardines; there are my two kids, Noah (9) and Ariana (7), my sister and her son Cayden (5), my boyfriend, and his daughter Zoe (9). 

This kind of dysfunctional Brady Bunch would not be complete without a variety of pets. Guinness, Roxy, and Pikachu are guinea pigs that live upstairs in the boys' room with them. There is Kassy, a disgruntled Himalayan/Siamese cat, Teddy the lovable tiger, and Angel (aka "Skunky"). And of course Lucy, my Peek-a-Pug who is almost definitely her own grandma. She looks like a pure bred pug, except she is smaller and has a constant dopey look on her face that can be attributed to the fact that her tongue does not fit in her mouth.

So all 7 of us live with all 8 of these animals in an essentially 3-bedroom, 1 bathroom home. Needless to say, we've turned a few rooms into bedrooms that have no right to sleep anyone, and would more appropriately be used as a walk in closet or office. 

Hilarity ensues. 

There was an old lady...

It's amazing how a broken stroller and a scarf can age a person.