Dreams for Your Daughter

Zoe: When you guys are old, I'm only changing Andrea's diapers, not yours.
Jon: Why not?
Zoe: Because I don't want to see that!
Jon: By the time I am old enough to need diapers, I would hope you'd have seen many of "those".
Me: Um babe, are you sure that's what you hope? Maybe shouldn't you hope that she's only seen one, and it's the same one for the rest of her life?
Jon: I retract my previous statement.

A Story From Camp

Noah: "One thing was so embarrassing. I came out of the changing room and I dropped my underwear, but I didn't know that I did until Mr. Emery told me. And you know the worst part? THEY WERE MY NEMO ONES!"

Two Misc

(At the beach)
Cayden: "I can't come over there, I can't touch!"
Noah: "Yes you can, you'll just be under water."


Ariana: "A cucumber is a fruit."
Liza: "And a pickle."

Smart Ass (Just Like Me)

Me: "I'm going to the post office. I will be back in 5 minutes. Don't burn the house down."
Noah: "Okay but one question - how do you turn on the oven?"


He's totally my kid.

Moms Go Hungry

Made myself a sandwich. Used up the last of the bologna. Took a bite. 
Ariana: "What's that?"
Me: "A sandwich."
Ariana: "What kind?"
Me: "Bologna."
Ariana: "Oooh I want one!"
Look at sandwich. Look at kid. Sigh. Hand over sandwich.

Junk Machines

Everywhere we go, they have those stupid machines, and I immediately hear, "Mummy, do you have a quarter?"
Went down to the hardware store after work to fetch my other half, and sure enough, Ariana who had tagged along: "Mummy, do you have a quarter?"
GRRR!
Me: "You guys need to get jobs, if you are going to want quarters all the time."
Ariana: "Well I TRIED! I was out in front of the house jump-roping and put a little cup out! But nobody gave me any money so I gave up."
*Face palm*

Two Tutus

Last night Ariana came into my room wearing a white wife-beater type tank top and a sea of taffeta around her middle.
Me: "What are you wearing?!"
Ariana: "Two tutus."
Me: "I thought you didn't like princesses?"
Ariana: "No, I'm Van-Vantura."
Me: "Who??"
Ariana: "It's a movie. The man is wearing a white shirt and tutus and he walks over to a chair and sleeps with his face in it."
Me: ".....? .... ACE VENTURA?!"
Ariana (proudly): "Yeah!"

Seriously, whose child is this? And why is she so weird??