Two Misc

(At the beach)
Cayden: "I can't come over there, I can't touch!"
Noah: "Yes you can, you'll just be under water."


Ariana: "A cucumber is a fruit."
Liza: "And a pickle."

Smart Ass (Just Like Me)

Me: "I'm going to the post office. I will be back in 5 minutes. Don't burn the house down."
Noah: "Okay but one question - how do you turn on the oven?"


He's totally my kid.

Moms Go Hungry

Made myself a sandwich. Used up the last of the bologna. Took a bite. 
Ariana: "What's that?"
Me: "A sandwich."
Ariana: "What kind?"
Me: "Bologna."
Ariana: "Oooh I want one!"
Look at sandwich. Look at kid. Sigh. Hand over sandwich.

Junk Machines

Everywhere we go, they have those stupid machines, and I immediately hear, "Mummy, do you have a quarter?"
Went down to the hardware store after work to fetch my other half, and sure enough, Ariana who had tagged along: "Mummy, do you have a quarter?"
GRRR!
Me: "You guys need to get jobs, if you are going to want quarters all the time."
Ariana: "Well I TRIED! I was out in front of the house jump-roping and put a little cup out! But nobody gave me any money so I gave up."
*Face palm*

Two Tutus

Last night Ariana came into my room wearing a white wife-beater type tank top and a sea of taffeta around her middle.
Me: "What are you wearing?!"
Ariana: "Two tutus."
Me: "I thought you didn't like princesses?"
Ariana: "No, I'm Van-Vantura."
Me: "Who??"
Ariana: "It's a movie. The man is wearing a white shirt and tutus and he walks over to a chair and sleeps with his face in it."
Me: ".....? .... ACE VENTURA?!"
Ariana (proudly): "Yeah!"

Seriously, whose child is this? And why is she so weird??

Noah's #1

Noah: "SERIOUSLY?! I have to be 1 again? I'm always 1!! Why don't I ever get a bigger number?"

Me: "Well, the shirts are in size order by number. The low numbers are the smallest shirts. And since every year, no matter what grade you are in or what sport you are playing, somehow you are the smallest kid on the team."

Noah: "Oh. Well. Do I have sideburns? Ben says I have sideburns."

Me: "Yes, you do." 

A Couple Gems

Ariana: "I really wish I could be a dog."
Me: "But that means you'd have to lick your own butt, right?"
Ariana: "Yeah, but if I was a dog I'd be ok with it."


Ariana was poking, prodding, picking at, kicking Jon sort of absent-mindedly while sitting next to him on the couch.
Jon: "Why are you so mean to me?"
Ariana: "Because I love you. Love hurts, ya know."